ONE PILL, TWO PILLS

34 weeks and counting! I have finally made it past the scary zone for having a baby. I went to the Dr. yesterday and I've haven't changed now for two weeks. The Dr. thought I could reduce my contraction medicine back down to 30mg twice a day. When she told me this, I was ecstatic. I have been taking 60 mg twice a day-which is very hard on my body. However, last night after taking only one pill before bed I woke up with really intense contractions about 6 minutes apart. One pill is not going to keep the contractions away. If I want to keep this baby growing inside me for a little bit longer, I'll have to take two. As hard as it is on my body and mind, I'll do it for the baby. I feel if I can get to 35/36 weeks the baby will be healthier and happier for it. One more week right :) Then the real work will begin.
Grandma is going to stay until Wednesday to help me get one more week. I'm very thankful for having her. The kids are adjusting. They have started to listen to her and obey what grandma has to say. I know it's hard for Logan to have three adults in the house telling him what to do-it's hard for me! A Grandma is suppose to be the one who lets you eat treats all day and get way with stuff, not the one making you eat fruits and veggies and putting you in time out. But without Grandma Laura, we would be in deep trouble, Logan will just have to endure a little bit longer. Her and I have come up with a system to help me get some rest and the kids to rely on her more. In the morning they are basically "locked" downstairs with her. We simply lock the gate to the stairs so they can not come up and bang on my bedroom door. As long as Logan doesn't ask for me, Cameron stays happy.
With all this time on my hands I've been able to read A LOT! I don't have a t.v. in my room so unless I want to sort my underwear drawer :) I've been occupying my time with books. A few weeks ago I read THE READER, which Hollywood has made into a movie. The book was ok but I think the movie will be better b/c the actors will add some drama to the story. After reading this book I started reading three other Holocaust stories.

I'LL PLANT YOU A LILAC TREE : This book tells a story about a young girl and her life before, during, and at the concentration camp. (Adult fiction)

NUMBER OF THE STARS : Quick young adult book- It tells a story about a girl and her best friend. I thought the title should be THE HANDKERCHIEF because the story really is about a special handerchief and the singifinace of how it changed history.

THE FINAL JOURNEY: The entire book is about a young girl and her journey on the train taking her to the concentration camp. On her journey she had to learn the real facts about what why she was on the train and what was happening in the world around her.

DEVIL'S ARITHMETIC: Another quick read... A little girl goes back in time and experiences life being dragged away to a concentration camp and surviving.

Now I'm reading BRIAR ROSE. I don't know why I'm so intrigue by such an unpleasant subject, but I tend to do that with books. I pick one genre and read it until I can't stand it anymore-then I move onto the next. I should be revisiting how to take care of a newborn. Even though I've been through this twice I'm sure I'll have some surprises and a list of questions that I'll be running to the book store to help me answer.

Here is a recent picture of me...i feel funny posting a picture of myself but what the heck... Black is such an awesome color. I almost don't look prego.

Cameron Turns 2

Friday was Cameron's official birthday. We celebrated his birthday on Saturday with family and his little friend Kate. All three kids (Logan, Kate, & Cameron) had a blast sliding down the slide and landing into a swimming pool full of balloons and balls. We also had pizza and cupcakes. Even though Cameron wasn't sure what was going on, he was very excited and happy. I can't believe my baby is 2!

What I'm loving about Cameron:
His little sayings; "what are you doing in here?" "ogan, come down stairs." "MMM, good." "Have a bite?" "Want some?" "Morning, how you sleep?"

He has pooped in the potty for months now! I'm working on the peeing, but I'll take not changing toddler pop any day of the week!

He hugs and kisses all on his own

His smile and laugh

How he chases me

When coloring he says he is drawing circles

When he gets out of the bath he runs around the house singing, "naked, naked, naked"

He'll snuggle and sit next to me playing quietly for good 30 minutes

He likes to sing

His loves to pretend that he is asleep-he will close his eyes & make a fake snoring sound

I love you Cameron!

Yipee!

I went to the Dr.'s today and there were no surprises. Every thing is the same. I haven't progressed any more from last week, the medicine seems to be holding down the contractions. Phew! What a relief. I was really nervous and anxious this morning. I even put the "hospital bag" in the car. I was thrilled to hear that things are stable. The goal is two more weeks and then I can stop taking the medicine and start doing some normal duties again. For now the bed rest is working. I'm not suppose to clean, cook, or do any child care. OKAY :) I'm going to have to hire a nanny after all this b/c I'm being spoiled. The only concern during this visit was I've lost 6 lbs. in the past week. I blame it on the medicine. Even though it's not listed in the side effects, it makes my heart beat in the 120-130's when I'm just sitting watching t.v. The scale may not reflect it, but I know the baby will get what it needs. My butt has plenty of fat storage for it to take. I have a huge hunch that this baby will come around March 8th & it will be a boy weighing 6lbs 4 oz. Grandma Laura thinks March 11th, a boy weighing 7lbs March 11th is her birthday :))What does everyone else think?

When I'm....

I decided to take a break from my pregnancy woes and write about something more uplifting :) I was noticing how I feel like I'm stuck in time. Each hour, each day, it seems like I'm going in slow motion. Slow motion is not happening for Logan. He is always constantly thinking about the future. Our latest conversations are filled with when I'm 5, I get to go to kindergarten. When I'm 8 I get to go to Disneyland. When I'm 15 I get to go camping with Dad and have my own lighter to start a fire. But you only use a lighter when camping and with Dad because they are dangerous. When I'm 17 I can take a girl to a movie and buy my own popcorn. When I'm 20 I'll be in college. I want to be a dump truck driver (why do all boys want to be this?). When I'm 25 I'll buy a house and live by you, dad, and Cameron. At times the conversations will be, what will happen when I'm 13? What will I be able to do? I try to come up with new ideas: when your 13 you can have a skate board. Or when you are 18 you get to have your own car. It's fun to hear what Logan is excited to do when his....

THE DAYS OF MY TUMMY...(INSTEAD OF THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES)

Contractions Wednesday night were not going away. In fact, they were coming about every 5 minutes. The on call Dr. said I could not take any more medicine at home and that I needed to be evaluated. We made the decision to go to the hospital since during my Dr.'s visit I was showing signs of labor. At the hospital the contractions were every two minutes apart. I received another round of terbuline. After 4 hours (11:30-1:30) I was sent home. At the hospital I was dilated 1+ and 60% effaced, earlier I was only a 1 and 50% effaced. This small change didn't cause "alarm" for me to stay in the hospital b/c the medicine was stopping the contractions. (After the hospital I went online to refresh my memory of what all this means. When I asked the nurse, I could tell by her look what she was thinking "you've had two kids right? Why don't you know what dilation & effacement mean? I do, but I found a great illustration that went through each step of labor! Now I really understand what my body is doing.) With both Logan and Cameron I began dilation a lot later in pregnancy. But after I started to "progress" I gave birth within a week.Yesterday morning I received my second round of steroids. When the Dr. checked me again, I had progressed to almost a two. They have had me on bed rest, but I wasn't following the guidelines of it. I'm finally realizing that even though Logan & Cameron can easily be entertained with play-doh, movies, coloring, and "quiet" activities. They still demand a lot out of me. I have to feed them, help dress them, change diapers, & other small tasks that are now to much for me to do. Mother-in law is returning on Monday. Jared has all weekend off so we just have to get through today. Logan says he will get me water and snacks when I need them. He brought me a yogurt this morning. He keeps asking if the baby is going to fall out :) I told him that we just need to keep him/her in a little longer so it it can come home and not stay in the hospital.Next week, hopefully not until Wednesday when I see the Dr, I'm going to request a more in depth ultrasound. I would like to know how big the baby actually is measuring. If it is right on target it should be around 33 weeks. I think knowing how big it is will give me a little peace of mind if him/her comes in the next few weeks. My dose of nifedipine is now twice what I was taking a week ago. Now I'm on the max- 60mg- twice a day. I feel like I have drank a gallon of Red Bull. It makes me very HIPER- my heart races & I feel like I'm going 100 miles an hour. This normally would be fine if I could use this "energy" to my advantage-for cleaning the house, shopping etc. Instead I am stuck in bed reading magazines. I have often wished for days like this; sleeping, eating, and not having to "play" with the kids. But that is usually when I'm not feeling good. This medicine makes me feel more than good, I feel great. Last night I went to bed at 10, woke up at 1 with contractions, and have been awake ever since. I'm waiting for the "fall' to come. I hope it is right around nap time. However, if the contractions start back up I have to take the medicine again. I'm crossing my fingers it is after I get some sleep!

PULLING MY HAIR OUT!

Today's Dr.'s visit was a surprise. My Dr. is out of town so I had to see someone I've never met before. She checked me and based on what my Dr. wrote and what she "evaluated" me at, my cervix is dilating & changing AGAIN. I'm only 32 weeks (however I'm still measuring 3 weeks ahead which I guess really doesn't matter). After consulting with another Dr. they decided to give me the steroid shot for the baby's lungs just to be cautious. I have to go back in 24 hrs to be reevaluated and receive the 2ND shot. I was in complete shock b/c here was someone I had no relationship with telling me what to do with no real explanation for it...I felt a little like I was experiencing a scene from the movie Knocked Up, "Where is my Dr. I need my Dr. We had a plan!" Even though she wasn't my Dr., she is a doctor. I decided to give her the respect that she knows what she is doing and if she thought I was progressing more than last week, I needed to have confidence in that decision. There is no down side for getting the steroid shot, only an up side if the baby came early.

When I left the Dr's office I was numb. Actually I was confused. What does it all mean? Should I be freaking out? I decided to call the Dr. office and ask that question. The nurse laughed a little, "No, I shouldn't be freaking out." She did a better job at explaining what was going on. At this point the contractions are causing small changes in my cervix. If I progress further, they will need to try some different medicine, possibly be on bed rest in the hospital for a day or two. (Jackie if you read this, I feel like I'm reliving different parts of your pregnancy that I read on your blog. How do you have any hair left on your head?) But the changes were small, yet enough to alarm the Dr. into giving me the shot. If they thought the baby was coming, they would of admitted me today. PHEW, After speaking with the nurse, I felt much better. There is nothing I can do but go one hour, day, week at a time. My contractions are still coming but when they do the medicine does seem to help them. However, they might be masking them enough that they are still there and I need something stronger. (Is there anything stronger? My first question tomorrow.)

On the brighter side of things, baby was very active during the stress test this morning. The tech had a difficult time keeping him/her on the monitor. We were laughing that he/she was doing his/her exercises for the morning. :) If he/she comes out skinny I'll know why.

Mother-In-Law

Last week Jared's mom, Laura, stayed with us for a entire week. I am so thankful for how well I get along with her. She has always been a great friend to me. During the week she helped with the kids, the chores, and cooked some good meals. When she left I thought, "How am I going to get back to doing everything on my own while Jared is at work?" The last few days have been an adjustment. Having her here allowed me to get some much needed rest and not have to worry about two other little ones all day. Cameron and Logan miss her too. Logan is demanding that we "GO TO ST.GEORGE RIGHT NOW!"

While she was here, she finished making Logan some slippers. He wears them every morning. It's sweet. Cameron loved running to her in the morning when she woke up, chanting "Grandma, Grandma..." They both loved going through her makeup bag and seeing "little bottles" of stuff.

Grandma Laura, we love you. Thank you for helping us and bringing such great joy into our lives. It won't be long before we see you again!!! St. George is only a car ride away.

KING KONG

The last few weeks I've been so worried about the baby coming early, I've forgotten to take the time to just enjoy being pregnant. Last night (at midnight) the baby was making my tummy bounce and rumble. This little baby has such a strong punch and kick you can see my stomach move. As I laid there feeling each movement I started to think how this would be the last time I would feel a baby inside me. It's bitter sweet. As much as I worry and struggle with what the contractions are doing, it's hard to think, "I will never feel a baby move around my belly again." It is a strange thought. As I patted my tummy I realized that I need to stop worrying so much (which is easier said than done). I just need to take one day at a time. This pregnancy will be over before I know it and I won't experience any of the ups and downs ever again. I'm going to try send all my energy to the baby's "King Kong" movements. I want to remember this pregnancy not for the daily and constant contractions, but for those "little" kicks and punches :)
(On the ultrasound this week the tech showed me that this baby already has hair. I almost started to cry. I was so excited to see my baby growing and wiggling.)

The Guessing Game

Last night I had EXTREME lower pelvic pain. I literally thought the baby was trying to claw it's way out of my stomach. My first thought was that the baby dropped and his/her head was just in my pelvic cavity. I took the contraction medicine, but it wasn't helping. I sat up all night wondering, should I be in the hospital right now, should I call the Dr??? I hate not knowing what to do. All three pregnancies I've had to do this stupid guessing game. Is this labor or not? Should I disrupt the whole family just b/c I think it is? Needless to say, I was very stressed out. I said a little pray... or more like a request "send me a sign!!!" I took another dose of Nifedipine and waited a few minutes. After this dose, I felt a lot calmer and took this as a sign that things were ok. I was able to get two hours of sleep (of course my dream had to be about going to the hospital...). When the contractions arrived again, I didn't delay a call to the Doctor. She wanted to see me ASAP. Unfortunately so did some other patients. When I arrived she was in emergency surgery. The office nurse sent me to labor and delivery to be poked and monitored. Thank goodness Jared was with me!! If I had to walk into that delivery room alone, I would of lost it. After being monitored it was clear that the Nifedipine wasn't working (my contractions were about 1 to 2 minutes apart) and I had to be given a round of Terbuline. I can't stand Terbuline. It makes your heart race and your whole body have the jitters. After an hour, they had to give me a second round. FUN STUFF
After enduring an exam, a catheter (to get the "cleanest catch" possible), two shots, and some blood drawn the cause of all the contractions is.....UNKNOWN!!! There is nothing medically that is causing me to be having so many contractions. It's very frustrating b/c I would like to have a reason -so I can fix it. If it was an infection, here is some antibiotics. etc. The FFN test was negative (which means I should have two more weeks of being pregnant). I'm not dilating or progressing beyond what I was doing two weeks ago. Which is GREAT news. I'm just having labor contractions. The Dr. gave me another Nifedipine prescription that is 3x stronger than what I was taking. This SHOULD settle things down. Tonight I feel very tired, but contractions seem few and far between. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this stronger dose will finally be the right amount.